


Skinny skinny -wolfstar

by Alextinnaminswife



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Anorexia, Cutting, Death, Depressed Remus Lupin, Does anyone even write fanfics with song titles anymore??, Drugs, Eating Disorders, Gay, Gay Remus Lupin, Gay Sirius Black, Homophobia, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), POV Multiple, Scars, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Therapist andromeda, anorexic remus lupin, caring sirius black, skinny skinny, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:21:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29337498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alextinnaminswife/pseuds/Alextinnaminswife
Summary: They all thought it was normal. They didn't think anything of it since it was so close the full moon. Remus hadn't been eating much but then again, did he ever eat much anyway?Based of the song “skinny skinny” by Ashton Irwin.This whole fic has a lot of triggers and is also really really trash
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Mary Macdonald/Emmeline Vance, Regulus Black/OC, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 11
Kudos: 10





	1. Barcodes and promises

**Author's Note:**

> howdy everyone. just wanted to let you know you are valid, don’t read this is you are not comfortable and that the author uses she/her pronouns

They all thought it was normal. They didn't think anything of it since it was so close the full moon. Remus hadn't been eating much but then again, did he ever eat much anyway?

"hey guys,gals and other gryffindorks!" Sirius chirped sitting down at the gryffindor table across from James Potter and next to Frank Longbottom. He recived a few hullos and goodmorings from the marauders -well, the marauders minus Remus Lupin. Remus never talked much especially so close to the full moon so Sirius didn't think fret about it. He piled up scrambled eggs and bacon up on his plate luckily right before it disappeared before his eyes.

Remus kept his head leaning towards his plate and just pushed and shoved the little amount of food he put on his plate with his fork. Not once eating anything. His face looking so pale it almost looked green. He took a few sips of his water before he excused himself saying he was too tired and went back up to the common room with a limp in his strut. Lily saw that something was wrong with Remus and followed after him. But no one else noticed once again. No one really ever thought anything of it because of the moon cycle.

James,Peter and Frank all enjoyed the rest of there breakfast. Sirius on the other hand, not so much. He realized about 1 week ago that Remus has gotten skinner. Remus was already a very small,lanky and skinny person only weighing a bit less than 6.5 stone but now-a-days he was looking more or less like a solid 6 or 5.5 stone. The thought that one of his best friends -blimey, replace the word best friend with crush- was losing weight so quickly terrified him. Sirius had a brief thought in his head taht maybe Remus was doing it on purpose? But he quickly pushed it out because why would remus want to suffer more than he already had.

Thank god it was Saturday because all the marauders really wanted to do was go back to the common room and hang out. Sirius was excited to see Remus. Remus very much knew of Sirius' big fat major ginormous crush on him but he refrained from talking about the subject . Matter of fact, he refrained from talking too Sirius at all. Sirius didn't take it personally though because he noticed that Remus refrained from talking to anyone really. Well, a part from Lily Evans, Pandora Jenkins, Marlene McKinnon, Dorcas Meadows and Emmaline Vance even though he didn't even talk to them much either. Remus was still friendly. After all, Remus doesn't have a bad bone in his body, but you couldn't hear him talking more than a sentence a day to each of the marauders. 

Meanwhile upstairs in gryffindor tower Lily Evans ran to her room as quick as she could. She barged into her dormitory and shuffled things around her desk until she finally found what she was looking for. The muggle book Gone with the wind. It was an old book but she knew Remus would enjoy it. His mom was a muggle so he would know what they were actually talking about unlike how James,Sirius and peter didn't even know what a toaster was.

Lily quickly shuffled out of her room with the book in her hands and quietly knocked on the dorm room door with the words "marauders dorm. Knock first." Burned onto it. Sirius must have done it.

Nobody answered the door but she heard faint mumbling of Welsh coming from inside. What she could make out was "Fenrir dylai fod wedi fy lladd pan gafodd y cyfle."

That's when lily remembered that Remus' mum was Welsh so he knew the language. Over the years she picked up that Remus often speaks Welsh when he's upset or mad. She translated it to “Fenrir should have just killed me when he has the chance.”

Lily opened the door, tired of waiting. She saw a tall lanky figure laying in the bed furthest from the door. Shaking.

Lily quickly ran over beside the shaking Remus. Remus looked up at her as she stroked his hair. His eyes blood red. That wasn't the only bright red thing about Remus lupin. Lily's eyes diverted to Remus Lupins wrists. Barcode looking scars covered his wrists. Some fresh and brand new stained with bright red blood but some a bit older. Her eyes started to fill up with tears as she tugged Remus into a big bear hug , rubbing his back gently. Remus was glad that if it had to be anyone to find him in this state, it was lily. He didn't know what he would've done if it were Sirius.

Remus began to speak up but lily just shushed him and held on to him with tears streaming out of both of there eyes. After a few minutes they pulled apart.

"Just stay here for a second, Re. Don't move I'm going to go get stuff to clean you up." Lily said leaving the room. Remus' breath was shakey. He couldn't believe someone found out about his wrists. At least it was only lily he thought. Idiot idiot idiot she's gonna tell James who's going to tell Sirius. His mind was racing with thoughts. He didn't know why he dreaded Sirius finding out more than the others but that was just the way it was.

He heard the door open. Thinking it was only lily so he didn't bother looking up but he then he heard someone walk in with a much heavier step.

"Sorry just getting the-"

It was Sirius.

Remus' mind started going 100 miles a minute.fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. This could be the worst possible outcome. How could he have been such an idiot?

"Re." Sirius said with his eyes starting to water and jaw dropping. He saw Remus' wrists before he pulled down the sleeves of his jumper. He also saw the blade sitting on his nightstand. Remus didn't even look up. He didn't want to see the look in Sirius' eyes because he knew it would break him even more than he already was.

Remus heard the door open a second time but this time it was actually lily caring a bunch of supplies.

"Here Lily, I'll clean him up." Sirius quietly said taking the supplies from lily.  
If Sirius-Big Mouth-Black was being quiet and delicate than he must really care. "Prongs needs some cheering on at the quidditch pitch, be a doll and watch him practice so I don't have too?" He added on

Lily nodded and gently closed the dormitory door behind her and marched down the stairs with bright pink cheeks.

"Re, are you okay? W-why did you-?" Sirius asked thickly not even being able to say the words 'cut yourself' without crying so he refrained. He sat down next to Remus and slowly pulled his sleeves back up revealing his barcoded arm. His heart dropped and he slowly drug his finger over Remus' arms as softly as he could. He grabbed some cleaning supplies and started wiping his blood drenched wrists. 

"I- I-" Remus stammered looking Sirius in the eyes with tears flowing over his cheeks

"Careful this might sting." Sirius said dabbing a cotton swab with rubbing alcohol over Remus' wrists.

"I hope it does." Remus mumbled under his breath not thinking Sirius could hear it but he seemed to forget that the fact that Sirius is a dog and his hearing is advanced.

At those words sirius broke.

Tears overthrown his eyesight. He couldn't even imagine how Remus was feeling. He couldn't even imagine that such a pure and loveable person hated themselves so much. Sirius loved Remus but Remus didn't even feel that way about himself. Before he knew it Sirius was crying almost as hard as Remus was. Sirius pulled Remus into a big hug even tho sirius and Remus both didn't enjoy hugs this one was different. It wasn't anything like hugging lily or Marlene or Emmaline. It was just different.

"Shhhh" Sirius hummed petting Remus' hair "it's alright moons, it's alright" he reassured him "it's alright,love. It's alright. I'm here." Remus' heart clenched at the word 'love'. Remus' parents use to call him that before they both died in a terrible encounter with the dark lord.

On September 24th 1975 (roughly 8 weeks ago) He-who-must-not-be-named showed up at the Lupin Household looking for answers that the lupins did not have causing him to release his anger on the lupins and killing them. Remus was lucky it was a full moon but he was the one who found their body early in the Morning. When Remus had found the lifeless body of his father draped over the couch in the living room he felt like he was dreaming and none of it could possibly be real. Remus never really got on with his father. His father blamed stuff on Remus that wasn't ever his fault. His father often took out his anger on Remus which took a toll on him for the rest of his life. His mother on the other hand was a sweet and kind women. She would make soup for Remus when he was sick. She would call him 'lovebug' and 'her sunshine.' She always supported Remus with whatever he did. 

When Remus went looking around the house yelling for his mum and he got no reply, he realized. His mum was dead. He ran around his small gray and blue house and checked every single bedroom or closet. He didn't want to believe it. Hope Lupin could not be dead! She was to amazing to be dead! There was room left Remus hadn't looked in. His bedroom. He slowly opened the door not wanting to see what he was suspecting. Remus saw his mother's lifeless body laying on the carpet infront of his twin bed with a peice of parchment in her hands that simply said 'I love you Remus'. Remus' life pretty much flashed before his eyes before everything went dark and he didn't wake up until roughly 12:00am the next morning. It wasn't the first time Remus felt this type of sadness. 

Hope Lupin was pregnant with a child when she died. It was a boy.

"I feel like I'm constantly drowning, Sirius." Remus said "it hurts, Sirius. It hurts." He said loosing his grip around sirius "I'm drowning, Sirius"

Remus started crying all the harder and Sirius rapped his arms around Remus all the tighter. "I- I just- I just wanna di-" Remus choked out before getting interrupted.

"Don't you finish that sentence. Don't you ever. I repeat EVER say that again. You understand? Never." Sirius said pulling back slightly to look into Remus' green/brown eyes.

"I don't want to lie to you though." Remus said so quietly that even with Sirius Inhanced hearing it was difficult to hear him. Sirius hugged Remus even tighter than before and kissed his forehead.

"Remus please, please stop. I don't know what I'd do if you-" he couldn't even bring himself to say it. "I don't know what I'd do if you left. I love you far to much-" Sirius said regretting the last bit of his sentence. It is true. Sirius Black is in love with Remus Lupin but for what Sirius knows, Remus Lupin is a heterosexual. 

Remus started crying harder which Remus thought was completely impossible but Remus had been threw a lot and adding the fact that someone cared for him make his heart melt.

Sirius pulled back and started to clean up Remus' wrists once again so that no more of Remus' white shirt would get ruined.

"Moons, why have you been so-...so distant?" Sirius asked calmly but as soon as those words left his mouth he felt stupid. His parents just died! God Sirius your an idiot

"Well it's just-" Remus began to say but the door opened up before he could finish revealing James all sweaty and in his quidditch gear with peter trailing behind him. Remus pulled his sleeves over his wrists once again wiping away his tears as best as he could.

"Hey Sirius and Moon- oh merlins left tit are you okay remus?" James said with a motherly tone

"Yeah he's okay, could you guys maybe let me a Re be just for a sec though?" Sirius asked with a look in his eyes signalling that this was important. James and Peter both nodded and walked into the common room sending confused glances at eachother.

"Re, please remember that you can always talk to me. You can always just pull me aside and I'll listen. I swear I will always listen. Welp, I've already said it so I might as well say it again; because I love you way to much to see you suffer. Please Moons, I beg, stop doing this please."

"Alright I'll stop."

"Pinky promise?" Sirius said pushing out his finger

"Pinky promise." Remus said locking there's fingers

"Alright you look tired. Let's get you to sleep alright?" Sirius said

"Alright." Agreed Remus who shifted so that he was laying down and he lifted up his shirt revealing many more scars. Not just scars from the full moon but there was also barcode scars. It was when Sirius saw his chest that he made a decision.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked Sirius as Sirius took off his shirt and climbed into Remus' bed next to him and hugged him.

"Cuddling as friends."

Something Sirius didn't know was that when they made a pinky promise, Remus had his fingers crossed behind his back.

Howdy y'all sorry if this is shitty. This si gonna be a shitty story


	2. Cigarettes and Fire-Whiskey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is a little drunk lol and doesn’t like crows ig

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!
> 
> Cutting, swearing, talking of suicide, alcohol, smoking

Sirius Black woke up about two hours later after he dozed of accidentally cuddling Remus. He felt cold. Frozen almost. He finally opened his eyes and saw that there was no long the lanky form of Remus lupin next to him. But, however the window was open sending chills down his spine.

Sirius Blacks heart started beating 10000 beats per minute. He started shaking. What if- No Sirius stop he wouldn't have. Would he? Would Remus lupin commit suicide? Please dear god please say he's alright

He walked closer to the window and looked out and saw Remus lupin standing on the shackles of the roof with a lit cigarette in one hand lifting it up to his mouth and taking a long drag and a large bottle of fire whiskey in the other..

"REMUS JOHN LUPIN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Sirius yelled. He brain filled with horrible things that could happen. Remus could fall, he could jump, he could lose his balance!

"oh hey." He said calmly taking a swig from the big bottle of fire whiskey and giggling. It made Sirius happy to hear him giggling but he knew it was all artificial.

"REMUS GET BACK INSIDE! ITS WHAT-" Sirius yelled pulling his pocket watch to check the time "NOT EVEN NOON YET!"

"idontcareee" Remus slurred his words as he almost lost balance but he quickly stood straight back up and started laughing very hardly. He starting humming a muggle song that Sirius didn't know.

"Remus John lupin I swear to fucking god.GET INSIDE OF THE SCHOOL RIGHT NOW!" Sirius yelled with worry in his tone. Sirius wouldn't know what he would do without Remus.

"no." He said accidentally dropping his cigarette "oopsie daisy." He giggled taking another cigarette out of the pack that he kept in his low rise khakis pocket.

"Remus how many of those have you had?" Sirius asked senseirly because clearly yelling at someone who is both very drunk and very high at the same time isn't the best way to get them to come inside.

"Hmmm I don't know. 1?2? Almost the whole pack? I'm not sure? I've lost count??" He said tapping his chin as if it would make him think better but his brain was all fogged up with the alcohol and drugs.

"Give me them Remus. You've had enough." Sirius raised his eyebrows as he said it. Later sirius would realize that he sounded a lot like Euphemia Potter, James mum, but he didn't care.

"Nuh uhhhh. They're mine." He said trying to drop them into pocket on his chest but he realized that he was shirtless after he dropped them. He quickly picked it back and and he lit the new cigarette and took a few long drags before he sat down. Legs dangling dangerously over the side of the building.

Sirius was so terrified of what could happen that he said the first thing that came to mind. "I'll get Minnie" he warned. Everyone listened to Minnie didn't they?

"Idontcareeeeeilltellminnietofuckoff" he laughed as he said it. Sirius knew deep inside that Remus would never say that to a teacher and especially not to Minerva Mcgonagall. Sirius picked up his wand off the nightstand and accioed a bar of chocolate.

"Remus, I have chocolate." He said tauntingly almost like Remus was a dog and Sirius was trying to bribe him with treats. Wait- tahts exactly what's happening.

"Fuck chocolate." Remus said but his voice was upset. It shook as he took a big chug of the fire whiskey 

"What do you mean 'Fuck chocolate?' Remus, you love chocolate! How much whiskey have you had?" Sirius asked finally stepping out of the window carefully and made his way over to were the taller boy was sitting. Sirius was worried. Like extremely worried. Remus never denied chocolate. Like not once. 

"Ohhh ive had alllllllloooooooooooottttttttttttttt of whiskey." He said swaying side to side while sitting down. Sirius protectively put his arm around Remus so he wouldn't fall of the tower but all Remus did was flinch

"Re, why did you flinch?" Sirius asked concerningly. Maybe it was because he was drunk? Sirius thought but he was thinking taht the answer was bigger than that

"Y'know, chocolate makes you gain a lot of weight! So I stopped eatting it!" Remus answered completely ignoring Sirius' previous question "same thing with a lot of food so I stopped!" He sighed sighed.

"I-Remus what? What do you mean? Remus have you not been eating? Remus? Remus?" Sirius asked as Remus' ears started ringing and his eyes went dizzy causing everything to turn staticky from his view.

"wOAHHH I've gotta go Sirius! Have fun out here! Don't let the crows scare you. They're kinda scary though to I don't blame you if you are scared of crows." Remus said standing up clumsyly and walking back into the dorm with his whiskey and cigarette but his voice was low and sad now. Sirius thought about how weird it is that people who've had too much alcohol or too many cigarettes mood can change in the blink of an eye.

Sirius quickly followed eager to find out if Remus' has been eating or not. Remus was already all skin and bones and Sirius couldn't imagine if he got any smaller. He's already practically 1/2 of peter! "Remus you didn't answer my question- give me the alcohol and cigarettes-" Sirius pushed trying to take his stuff away from him but Remus had a strong grip on the whiskey and cigarettes.

"Let it be Sirius it doesn't matter." Remus waved it off laying in his bed after putting his whiskey on his nightstand but keeping his cigarettes with him.

"Remus answer my question." He warned. "I'll get James." Remus stopped smoking for a second as he heard what Sirius said.

At those words Remus heart dropped and he suddenly felt pretty sobered up. He quickly sat up on his knees on his bed with tears in his eyes that were threatening to fall at any given moment. "No.,no,no.,no.,no! You can't tell James! You can't tell anyone! Please Sirius." He begged as the tears let lose and Sirius' eyes began to water jsut at the sight of Remus. "Please Sirius please! I'll do anything! Please!"

Sirius quickly shuffled over to Remus who had his head in his head, sobbing. He rapped his arms over the lanky boy next to him as tear fell from both of there cheeks. "I won't tell him Re. But you have to eat." 

"No I don't!" Remus yelled startling Sirius at first but he just held onto Remus tighter with his heart absoultly shattering. How could Remus do this to himself? How? He is amazing and he doesn't deserve all this pain. Sirius thought as tears poured over both of the boys eyes.

"Remus. Seriously. Please eat."

"I'm not hungry I'm use to the feeling by now." Remus whined but Remus' stomach proved him wrong by rumbled which made Sirius heart fall into a pit so deep he would never be able to get it back. 

"You look tired. Let's go back to sleep and we can talk about this when we wake up. Alright love?" Sirius proposed as he inspected Remus' face. He had very deep eye bags and his cheekbones where so deifinable from the lack of sleep. Pretty much all of Remus was very definable because he had no muscle or fat. He's all just skin and bone.

"Alright." Remus muttered as he pulled back from Sirius and later down into his bed again. Sirius following soon after. Remus picked his cigarette back up. He layed on the opposite way sirius was facing so he couldn't see him smoke and he took 2 long drags from it before it was ripped out of his hands

"Ah ah aha ah ah" Sirius wagged his finger "no more." Remus whined and tried to reach for his cigarette back but Sirius pulled it away so it was far out of Remus' reach but Remus wasn't giving up. Remus Lupin crawled over Sirius Black and reached for the cigarette again but Sirius switched the side it was on. Remus crawled back over trying to grab it again but once again, Sirius pulled it away. 

"Give me my fucking cigarette back, black. I swear to fucking god give it to me-." Remus said angrily as Sirius smelt the cigarette and made a face of disgust

"Ew what do you even see in these? They don't even smell good!" Sirius complained. Remus couldn't take it anymore. It was too close to the moon, he was too pissed, too high and too drunk to do this. Remus rolled out of the bed and slipped his shirt back on, not even caring it was blood. Also not caring that his hair was a mess and you could tell he'd been crying. He grabbed the fire whiskey off his desk and shuffled threw his trunk pulling out a now pack of cigarettes. He walked to the door, flipped Sirius off,told him to go fuck himself and then he stormed out the dormitory door. 

He walked pass the common room door. Passing James and lily snogging on the couch and peter talking with another gryffindor boy. He stopped walking for a moment as he lit his cigarette but continued walking quickly after. 

The other marauders wouldn't care if Remus was gone. They have other friends. James has Sirius and Sirius has James. James has lily. Frank has Alice. Peter has Kingsley. They didn't need him. Remus was just slowing them down. They probably wouldn't even notice if he were gone.

He quickly walked out of the common room and past all the portraits not even bothering to greet him like he usually did. He walked out of the gates until he reached the whomping willow. Right about now he was really wishing Peter was with him so he could pop into a rat and push the button but he wasn't so Remus had to make due with what he has. He found the closet rock and chucked it and after a few try's the tree stop viciously waving its arm around.

He crawled threw the long tunnel until he got to a trap door. He wasn't planning on staying in the shack he just needed to get away for a while. Things have gone so badly for Remus lately that he can't even face his friends. He felt his body began to fell light again the more and more he drunk the whiskey. He thought about how pissed off he is at sirius even tho it was only a minor incident.

Truth being told, after Remus finished the cigarette he was smoking on the roof before Sirius caught him. He was going to do it. He was gonna do the unthinkable. He was going to kill himself. 

It sure would put me out of my misery, eh? I'd get to see my dad and mum again. I'd get to see Jack again. I'd get to be free. No more lycanthropy. No more condition. No more not-eating. No more having to look himself in the mirror every day and see an ugly person looking back. No more feeling like they'res a dementor in my chest. No more being an orphan. No more being an outcast. No more breathing. Those were the only things going on in Remus' brain while he was up at the roof. Death sounded perfect to Remus. It would have been the easy way out for him. He even had the note written.

He walked out of the shack and saw a clump of thestral's eating apples off trees. He could see them. He could see them thanks to jack. He walked over slowly to the boney gray creature and stroked it back. Remus loved magical creatures. They really amazed him. Remus' head swarmed with thoughts of Sirius blacks face when he saw his slashed up wrists. And right now, Remus wanted to slash his wrists more than ever.

Remus felt all off the intoxication pour out of him as he fell to his knees and started to cry.

He noticed a beer bottle from the corner of his eye and crawled over and smashed it against a fallen tree trunk. He took a shard of glass and pressed it against his chest, cutting threw his shirt, he looked down at his chest that had bits of blood spiking out of it and he smiled. He fucking smiled. He felt the blood gush out of his chest and onto his sweater. It felt good.

"I miss you Jack." Remus whispered before his vision looked dark. Even as he fainted the smile rested on his face even thought he wasn't truly happy. He never was, truly happy.


	3. The Story Of Jack Lupin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *the begging of the story is a nightmare btw. Incase it’s confusing*

October 17th 1964

"Mummy look! There's fireflies!! Can me and Remus go catch some?" Jack exclaimed as he held onto his mother beggingly. The weather was extremely warm for a night in October.His mother looked at his father who, as usual, looked disgusting and tired. He pointed his head towards the moonless, purple sky. The full moon would be rising any second but his wife just corrected jacks grammar and said that they'd keep an eye on them. Ever since Lyall Lupin signed a restriction act against werewolves, the Lupin house was one of the most hated family's amoungst the magical beasts. That and Newt Scamander but Newt a bit less because Newt Scamander did not know the full effects of the act but nether the less, he still signed it.

"Alright dolls, you two can go play. Be careful please. Don't leave my eyesight. Please make sure your little brother doesn't get hurt, Jack?" Hope Lupin said with a slight welsh accent. 

At the time, Jack Lupin was 10 years old and was just waiting for his birthday, Tuesday the week after next, to arrive. Remus Lupin was 4. Remus and Jack were as close as one can be for a 5 and 1/2 age gap but they were still always attached at the hip. 

If Jack had to do homework, Remus would get his mom to make him do simple math equations and called them 'pre-homework.' If Remus had nap time, Jack insisted that he had to have nap time aswell. The brothers we're bestfriends. Jack was Remus' biggest inspiration. Remus would often draw pictures of superhero's and name them all 'super J' because Remus' parents always called Jack 'J'.

Remus ran over to the yard following behind Jack as they scrambled to catch fireflies . Remus tried to catch one with his bare hands but he just couldn't. Remus decided that catching fireflies were boring until he finally caught one.

"Jack!Jackie! Look! I caught one! Look!" Remus beamed as he shook his big brothers leg but Jacks attention was focused elsewhere.

Submerging from the trees that outlined the Lupin Cabinesk house was a man with sharp teeth and almost wolffish features. Jack recognized who it was straight away from all the talking around his house. 

Fenrir Greyback.

Jack hushed his brother as he held onto him and slowly stood infront of him, trying his hardest to protect him in case Fenrir decided to pull any stunts. Jack knew what fate the werewolves wanted for his family, well more specifically his father, Lyall Lupin and he knew he didn't want that for his little brother.

Lyall never had been a great guy. Never helped his kids out. Was never home because he was always at bars getting drunk, ruining the lives of werewolves, completely neglecting his family. Carelessly cheating on his wife of 10 years. I could go on and on and on about all of the horrible stuff Lyall Lupin has done but that's not what this story is about.

Jack saw Fenrir and his father arguing and he overheard Fenrir calls his mother words he would never even think about saying to a girl. Fenrir was starting to walk away until he stopped suddenly.

The full moon.

Fenrir's bones cracked and popped as the man with already wolffish features transformed into a blood thirsty beast.

The wolf looked around the yard and Hope and Lyall Lupins eyes went wide as Fenrir spotted Remus and Jack. Fenrir Grayback gritted his teeth as he walked over. Hope Lupin tried to run out from the patio to save her boys but Lyall took a hold of her arm pulling her back saying that it was to dangerous.

Jack and Remus walked back slowly until they where at the border of the woods. Trapped.

Fenrir grayback got close enough that Jack could smell his nasty breath. He knew what was coming. He knew that he and Remus where about to die. Fenrir's paws took a hold of jack roughly. Jack sent a smile to Remus as Fenrir mouth opened showing his sharp teeth. 

"I love you, Remus. Stay safe little brother." Jack said with a smile and tears in his eyes as Fenrir grayback lowered his teeth to Jack Lupins neck. 

Remus saw it right before his eyes. He saw his big brother, his role model but most importantly his bestfriend get killed right before his eyes. Remus' eyes filled with tears as he saw the life practically getting sucked out of the motionless body of his brother. He fell to his knees and Hope Lupin let out a nerve-wracking cry as she tried to wiggle out of Lyalls grip to save Remus but she couldn't.

Fenrir dropped Jacks motionless body to the ground while Remus wasn't even paying attention. He was too busy thinking about what just happened. 

Fenrir walked slyly over to Remus lupin 

"REMUS!" Hope yelled but it was too late. Fenrir Grayback disendeded his teeth into Remus Lupin  
shoulder. Remus let out a cry so loud that the far away village could probably hear it. This was the worst Remus has ever felt. It hurt so bad but Remus was glad he'd get to be with his big brother once again.

Fenrir Greyback didn't end up killing the second Lupin child. He let go of Remus before he could kill him and Fenrir ran away into the depths of the woods.

Remus say on the lawn, losing blood quickly but there was a painful feeling somewhere else. He felt it in his whole body. Almost like all of his bones breaking a popping at once.

And that's when it happened.

Remus looked directly at the moon and he realized. He was a werewolf.

And then Remus turned into a small canine pup with dull teeth and greyish/blondish fur sitting on the lawn.

Suddenly the nightmare, no. it was another memory, flashed before his eyes as it changed.

"Jack- Jack I miss you." Remus said sitting next to the grave of his brother on august 31st 1971. "I'm going to hogwarts tommorow." Tears filled Remus' eyes. "I'll make you proud jack. I'll make you proud." He murmured as hope Lupin declared it was time to go to train station. Remus said a goodbye to jacks grave and walked beside his mother and father.

It changed again.

Remus layed on the floor of his small home. He couldn't stand up. He couldn't move. He could barley breath. His mother was dead. His father was dead. The baby in his mother stomach was dead. Remus lost everyone. Remus was an orphan.

Tears fell over his face as he layed down next to the motionless body of his mother Hope Lupin. 

Remus woke up with tears falling down his face. He realized that he must have fallen asleep in the woods next to the shack. He had a nightmare. It wasn't really even a nightmare. It was a series of memory's. He tried to quickly stop himself from crying because he realized that all he really has done for awhile was cry. 

He stood up with his bones cracking and brushed the leaves off of his scarred body. He slowly made his way into the shack to seek warmth but there was no way of getting that in the shrieking shack. He realized that he really needed to go back to the dormitory.

Sirius layed on Remus' bed. He was surprised. He was surprised that Remus raised his voice. He was surprised that remus showed emotion. He was surprised that Remus stormed out. But most of all: he was surprised that he didn't go after Remus.

He wanted to. He really really wanted to but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't want to bother him. He didn't want to be a burden. He knew Remus was going threw a lot. He knew he was doing stuff to himself. Not good stuff. But Sirius had no clue how to help. Yeah, Sirius has some pretty shitty parents but Sirius could never imagine what pain Remus was going threw. His brother died. His other died. His father died. He felt horrible for Remus but he didn't know how to act. He just wanted to hug him. He just wanted to cuddle him- even if it was just as friends.

Sirius held onto Remus' pillow for a few more minutes until he decided it was time for him to get changed. Since it was a Sunday and the marauders didn't have classes Sirius got into a blue 'Queen' T-Shirt and black ripped jeans. 

He started to clean up the bedroom, specifically Remus' side. Remus had his clothes everywhere and his trunk wide open. He hasn't even bothered cleaning up which was so unlike Remus. Sirius started by making Remus' bed. Remus didn't even bother having a sheet on his bed. Or pillows. And most of the time not even blankets. Remus slept on a thin mattress every single night. 

Sirius didn't even know where Remus put his pillows or sheets. They where no where in the room. He'd have to get an elf to get new ones. Sirius didn't know how to summon the schools house elf so he had to summon his own.

"Kreacher!" Sirius bellowed. With a loud 'CRACK' the small and old house elf appeared in front of Sirius. Kreacher looked very displeased tone serving Sirius.

"Filthy little blood traitor. Hanging out with mud bloods and halfbloods and that dirty potter boy. Wait until my mistress hears about the filth her son is friends with." Kreacher said with a disgusting tone in his voice.

"Enough of that Kreacher!" Sirius commanded "As your master I command you to go and get new , AND CLEAN, bed sheets and pillows from the laundry. Do you understand Kreacher?"

"Yes master Sirius." The elf said as he disapperated and returned shortly after with his hands full. He had brand spanking new red sheets and a new white pillow in his hands. Kreacher still looked dreadful for having to serve Sirius.

Sirius took the gryffindor red sheets and pillow from Kreacher and shood him off. Sirius walked around to the end of Remus' bed and made his bed carefully. He cleaned up Remus' desk and trunk and after about 20 minutes he finished. Sirius knew Remus wouldn't be happy with him cleaning his things (let alone cleaning them) but someone's gotta take care of him. Even if Sirius didn't know how.

Sirius had never been around someone like Remus before. Well, there was a time where his baby brother regulus (well he wasn't so much a baby. He's a year younger than Sirius) stopped eating because maybe, just maybe, their parents would pay attention to him but it didn't work but that's besides the point. 

Sirius didn't know how to help. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. But he did know that if he told anyone, Remus would never talk to him again. This isn't a normal thing. Is it? Atleast it's not now. Maybe it was normal back in the past or maybe in teh future but Sirius was certain it wasn't normal for the 70's.

Why would someone intentionally hurt themselves? Why would they not eat? To Sirius it sounded down right stupid. Why would you take away the best thing in the world; food.

Sirius walked over to his own bed and layed down. He wanted to ask someone about this but he didn't know who. He also didn't want to eat out Remus.

Sirius would die before he would sell out one of his friends.

Sirius isn't the type to do that. He'd do anything for his friends; well, except betray them.

Sirius decided to let it be. He would obviously check in on Remus.. make sure he was eating and not scratching up himself but Sirius didn't know if he could do more than that.

Sirius heard footsteps coming up to the door so he tried to fake being asleep but kept his eyes open very very slightly so he could still see a sliver of what's happening.

Remus walked into the dormitory and took of his white vest that had leaves and blood on it. He must have stayed in the woods overnight Sirius thought.

Remus saw that his bed and his whole side of his was clean. His jaw dropped. Remus didn't like when other's did stuff for him. He didn't want to be a burden.

"Sirius I can see your not awake. What the actual fuck did you do to my area!?" Remus demanded. Guess Sirius' eyes where a little bit to open.

"Cleaned it." He murmured as he sat up and put the pillow infront of him.

"What the fuck Sirius?" Remus sighed. “Why’d you touch my things? You know how much I hate it when-“

“Hush hush Remus I’m just being a nice friend, alright?” Sirius said trying to calm Remus down.

“Ok.” Remus said crossing his arms. If there was one thing Remus loved in the world; it was being petty.

“Ok.” Sirius mimicked his actions. Same goes for Sirius; he loves being petty. “Where were you all night?”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.” 

“Just worried bout ya. Goddamit lupin.” Sirius grunted. He walked over to the door and shrugged for Remus to come along. “It’s lunch time mate. Let’s go.”

fuck.


End file.
